Words have come slowly to me the past two weeks or so. Every time I open my journal or launch Evernote, the words wind around my mind and fingers, then disappear into the wind like vapor. Spiritual attacks, my own negative attitude, and plain old fear, resentment, and insecurity have all worked against me and my words. At the same time, I’ve sensed the Lord refining the direction my writing is taking and I’ve struggled to readjust my bags, reset my GPS, and take a breath.
Words. Where are the words?
Feeling unsettled, I opened my Bible to the book of Psalms like I have so many other times. Earlier today, I was meditating on Psalm 131. Tonight I found myself captured by Psalm 40. There’s a lot you could unpack in this chapter, but I found myself particular drawn to the verses in which David is pouring out praise to God and telling others of his faithfulness.
I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, Lord, as you know. I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly. Psalm 40:9-10
Proclaim. Seal. Hide. Speak. Conceal.
Sealing up my lips, hiding, and concealing are my default mode in times of weariness and stress. When I don’t think my words are good enough, powerful enough, or just…enough, I’d rather clam up then look foolish. But here is David walking through a stressful time -a slimy pit to be exact- boldly declaring God’s love, faithfulness, and salvation. Man oh man. Conviction.
I’m thankful for God’s love and faithfulness in my life because he shows it constantly throughout the day. He shows it in small ways like sunshine, a cup of tea, and snuggles from my dog; or in big ways like the power of community, or his presence in worship. His salvation gives me purpose. Does he hear my prayers? I need only to look at my husband to know that he indeed hears my prayers and answers them “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” (Eph. 3:20) Even at my weakest moments, Christ is there, as the author and champion of my faith. Even with heart-rending unanswered questions, he is still good. He is still God.
The words may be slow in coming, but I will praise him still.