First of all, let me say that I am blown away by the kindness and support you all showed with my post last week. Wow. Every like, comment, text, and share was seen and appreciated. It made me even more thankful for the community God has placed us in.
Because I’m thankful for you, I don’t want you to feel like you need to walk on eggshells, or treat me any differently now that I’ve shared this part of our lives. I am still me. So if you’re someone who isn’t walking this journey, don’t be afraid, or feel like you have to hide your happiness or blessings. The Bible calls us to rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn, and like you, I pray that God would give me the discernment to know when is the time for each. I’ll be expanding more on supporting loved ones going through fertility struggles in an upcoming post as well.
Show of hands, who’s a crier?
From the time I was little until the time I was 22, I simply was not a crier. I cried maybe once a year up until then. Not kidding. It simply wasn’t the way I expressed myself, and I grew to hate the burning in my eyes and tightening of my throat when tears threatened to betray my composure. That all changed a few months before my wedding. Probably with the addition of starting birth control, I cried more in the month before my wedding than I ever had before.
I cry even more now. I’ll tear up during an episode of Fixer Upper. I’ll cry when I’m tired. I’ll cry during a sermon. I’ll cry when I watch Michael’s last episode on The Office, like I did last night. Anyway…
Throughout this journey of trying to start a family, I’ve cried many times. I’ve cried at my desk, on the floor, in the car on the way to and from the doctor’s office, and many times onto my husband’s shoulder. Sometimes, there is nothing else I can do but let the tears escape down my face, let him hold me and let him soak up my tears. I’ve learned that Kurtis is actually hurt more when I keep struggles and frustrations from him. He, like I’m sure most husbands desire, wants to be a part of the solution. They want to fix. So by letting my guard down, and letting him hold me, I invite him in and our relationship is strengthened. We’ll dive more into this aspect in a later post by Kurtis. (Yep, he will be sharing on here as well!)
Ok. Enough about crying. I’ve been transferring photos from my old computer, organizing the special ones, deleting the blurry ones. I’ve even started several photo books in the last few weeks, one of which is of the first year of our marriage. Being the ISFJ person that I am, I’ve loved cataloguing and reminiscing over that first year. Reliving all that we experienced. And being sobered that we had no idea what was to come.
This photo captures the moment we walked out of the church on our wedding day four years ago. Who could’ve known what was ahead? We’ve walked out of the same church many times since then, though with a little less fanfare 😉 Yet the same God who was with us on our wedding day is the same one who is guiding us, comforting us on this journey. And as I lean on Kurtis, we both find rest, security, and peace leaning on Jesus.
Who among you fears the Lord, listening to the voice of His Servant? Who among you walks in darkness, and has no light? Let him trust in the name of Yahweh; let him lean on his God. Isaiah 50:10
