Does it ever feel like it’s all up to you?
That the burden of getting your body to cooperate is all on you? It feels like you are the only one that can fight this lonely, awkward battle of infertility. A battle for your body. A battle for victory. A battle over your emotions. A battle to keep conflict and tension at a minimum. Conflict and tension can quickly mount in your heart, in your marriage, and in your other relationships over this journey if you don’t set a boundary for it. A battle at every turn.
This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. 2 Chronicles 20:15
I’ve grown up in church, so I’ve heard this verse lots of times. But it wasn’t until I was walking through this journey that it came alive to me in a new way. Yes, I’m the one swallowing horse pills they call vitamins. Yes, I’m the one getting probed and pricked. Yes, I’m the one taking medication that makes my hormones dance a jig. But this battle belongs to the Lord.
Someone needs to let out a deep breath right there.
Kurtis and I love taking road trips, and he generally does 99.9 percent of the driving, no shock there. On the way back from visiting family in Georgia, I begged him to let me drive since he had been driving for the past two days. It wasn’t long before the tension level inexplicably rose in the car, and after two hours, I was happy to let him slide back into the driver’s seat.
When I came across this verse recently, I realized I need to let God slide back into the driver’s seat regarding my emotions. Is that where you are today? Do you need to give up a battle that’s not yours and let the Lord take his rightful place? It may not even be infertility. It could be a totally different struggle, but a heavy burden just the same. I pray you find the courage to surrender that burden to the Lord right now and not carry it for another minute.
Prayer for today: “Lord, I acknowledge this battle is yours. Help me to be faithful on my part, but I know victory rests with you. I give up the unnecessary burdens and relinquish control of them to you.”