“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”
It’s no secret that I love reading and also no secret that I love the works of C.S. Lewis. My mom first read “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” and “The Magician’s Nephew” out loud to my brother and I when I was in the fourth grade. Simply put, I fell in love with Narnia. I went on to read the rest of the series myself over the next year or so, searching out the themes of each of the books.
Though some books took more than one effort, I went on to read many of Lewis’ other books and one of my last electives I ever took in college was a class just on C.S. Lewis.
Fast forward a few years from college and my husband and I found ourselves facing an adversary we never planned on: infertility.
It would be impossible to trace the entire journey our hearts have taken over the last seven years (84 months/2500+ days), but suffice to say for now our hearts have traveled to the lowest depths they ever have; we have uncovered every emotion; we have thought ugly thoughts and shouted at God. Along the same path, we have found renewed strength and hope even when circumstances hadn’t changed. We have rejoiced and praised God even when circumstances hadn’t changed. We have lived our lives and started new jobs and projects along the way. We have served the local church. We have traveled the country. And we have gone to the end of ourselves and found God and kept going. And some days, we did the only thing we could do: sit on God’s lap and cry.
I have re-read some of the Narnia books periodically throughout our battle with infertility and found my heart connecting with themes my fourth-grade self glossed over.
Always winter, never Christmas. Yes. God, a thousand times yes. That’s exactly what infertility feels like.
Throughout the unfolding events in the Narnia books, when Aslan steps on the scene, peoples’ hearts are changed, even if the circumstances don’t change immediately. And often, that is how God meets us in our own trials first. Changing our hearts by His presence, even if our circumstances don’t look different yet.
So this poem has become a touchstone for me, especially over the last couple of years. It’s displayed in my office reminding me we hope in someONE not someTHING. And one day, at the end of time, everything will be made right.
But praise be to God, a glimpse of heaven on earth. At the sound of His roar, the sorrow of infertility is melting away like the last of the winter snow. We are humbled to announce we are expecting after seven long years of infertility. Baby Hanni will arrive November 2021 on the wings of thousands of prayers. There’s a lot more to the story and perhaps I’ll feel like sharing more in the future, but for now, we remain so grateful to those who have prayed for us and encouraged us throughout the years.
Baby Hanni, we can’t wait for you to join us on our adventures. You’ll be joining us in the fall, but already, spring has finally sprung in our hearts.
Finally.
