Year 6 of Marriage: Right Where We Should Be

In case you didn’t know (or couldn’t tell), I relish the chance for introspection (ISFJ to the MAX). God continually uses reflection as a tool for my growth and I don’t do it because it sounds relevant or sophisticated – I do it to survive.

So as I looked back on our sixth year of marriage, I struggled at first to pick out a theme or to sum it up and I hated that feeling! But then God reminded me of a few things. There have been specific areas in our lives and marriage this year that I have had more than a *few* ideas of how to move forward or make a change. In other words, I had my eye on making progress, a little forward motion. And it didn’t happen.

I felt like we SHOULD BE doing this. I felt like we SHOULD make this move. And each time, the door was not only shut in our face, but I’m pretty sure we heard the key turn in the lock as well.

The truth is, God didn’t desire for us to make a change. It wasn’t necessary. There wasn’t (and isn’t) anything wrong with where we were. In fact, we were right where we should be. If we look at how God spoke to his people in the Bible, yes, there were many times he called them to a specific action. Yet the stories that bounce off our instant-or-not-at-all hardened souls are the ones where God calls his people to pause and let him act. To take a beat.

Right where we should be. What a powerful, liberating phrase.

Certain “Should Bes” snatch joy right out of our lives, like a little kid (or dog) swiping a cookie from the counter. What “Should Bes” haunt you?

  • You should be married already.
  • You should be promoted already.
  • You should be a parent already.
  • You should be graduated already.
  • You should HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER already.
  • You should be THERE (wherever there is) already.

Whatever “it” is, I encourage you to give it up to the Lord and dare to believe that you are actually where you need to be right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love setting goals and tackling them. And sin needs to be dealt with. But maybe it’s time to rest in the grace of Jesus. Maybe it’s time to turn down that internal voice that screams BE MORE DO MORE GIVE MORE LIVE MORE GO MORE MORE MORE.

Yes, we are going to grow, learn, and change. Kurtis is not the exact same person as when we first got married. Neither am I. Next year will feature a slightly different version of us as well. However, right here in this moment, is right where we should be. It is enough. We are enough.

How can we make this claim? It is because of Christ. This year, the phrase “Christ is enough” has quietly challenged me on the stage of my mind month after month. Is it more than a cliche? Do I actually, truly, deeply believe this? Do I understand what I have to give up in my mind for this to be true? Because at the end of the day, Christ really does have to be enough.

Did you read that?

Christ HAS to be enough.

Yes, there are big, big things we are longing for, hoping for, praying for. We have dreams and goals. But our sixth year of marriage has been about letting them rest in an open palm, not squeezing out through clenched hands.

Because Christ is enough, and we are right where we should be.

So we relax our grip, and remind ourselves to take a breath. Even if we have to remind ourselves hourly.

So this anniversary weekend, I’m going to enjoy time away with my hubby, eating lots of tacos, and getting that extra hour of sleep! Because that is enough.

I love you more than Chick-fil-a, Kurtis. Happy Anniversary.

With you is right where I should be.

Since November 2012…

  • Trips: 17
  • Miles traveled together: 35,000+
  • Total number of books read: 500+
  • Trips to Chick-fil-A: *CENSORED*

Read last year’s post on our marriage.

And the year before that, if you feel like it.

Year 5 of Marriage

Are you familiar with the black hole of the internet? You know the one where you start out looking for one photo for one blog post and spend 45 minutes sorting photos from your senior trip 10 years ago?

Or the one where you need to add one item to your shopping list and end up searching for a pair of shoes through six different sites, one of which might have been on the dark web? OK, not the dark web, just a really sketchy sales site.

Or perhaps it started off with your friend or spouse showing you one funny video of marshmallow farmers (it’s a thing) and ended up two hours later arguing over the coldest/hottest places on earth. The coldest place is in Russia, like we’re shocked by that. The point is, it’s very easy to start off in one place online and then quickly be swept to far off lands.

(BTW, the above scenarios may or may not have happened IRL.)

Marriage is kind of like that, you know? You start off in one place (the altar) and in a short amount of time, you find yourself swept off to unknown places.

In fact, I feel a Tolkien quote coming on…

It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door. You step onto the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.

– The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkein

Stepping into the Road

I just lost some of you there with a LOTR quote (Ugh LOTR! So long! So complicated! What’s the big deal over the ring?!?) but I’m also betting I just made some new friends too (Ah LOTR! I feel second breakfast is in order) But like Bilbo says to Frodo, when you step into the road on your wedding day, you definitely don’t know where it will take you.

Your wedding day is *finally* here, the family is in town, the caterer arrives, candles are lit and there you both are, at the altar. And while it may feel like you’ve spent your whole life preparing for this moment, the truth is, untold adventures are waiting as you step down from the stage, and walk hand in hand with your new spouse.

We are only five years in and our road has already taken us some places we never expected, like it does for every couple. What unexpected places has your marriage taken you to?

Unemployment? Relocation? Opening a new business? Adoption? Infertility? New church? Deaths in the family? What has that looked like as you’ve learned to face your adventures together?

Keeping Your Feet

Marriage is indeed a dangerous business, dangerous in the sense of what’s at stake. You’ve made a covenant before God and friends and family to love honor and cherish one another. You are no longer two people pursuing self, but one flesh pursuing the heart of God.  If you don’t keep your feet, you can be swept apart instead of facing the tide of adventures together.

This is one of my favorite pictures from our wedding, because it reminds me that we no matter what, we face our adventures together. Everyone else had walked down to the reception and we lingered at the sanctuary entrance. Just the two of us, a team, joined together.

There is truly no one else I’d rather have by my side than Kurtis. Even when (when not if) we face challenge after challenge, even when we have those *imaginary* discussions that cause communication problems, even when we are both moody as heck, I will gladly step out the door every day into the road, because even though I don’t know where it will take me, I know who is by my side: Kurtis. (Well, Kurtis and Jesus)

Happy 5th Anniversary, Kurtis.


Feel like crawling down the dark hole of the internet RIGHT NOW? Then browse through four more years worth of marriage posts!

Year 4 Thoughts

Year 3 Thoughts

Year 2 Thoughts

Year 1 Thoughts

A New Adventure: Blog Update

Hi friends! This weekend, I’m excited to announce I’m launching a NEW blog and Facebook page with my friend, Diana. I met Diana when I first started coming to Cherokee Hills in 2012. While our stories are different, we have both dealt with infertility struggles. And we have both felt God’s leading to create a welcoming place for others with similar struggles to share the lessons we’ve learned and provide encouragement.

sam and di blog update

Waiting to become a mom is hard. It’s weighty, cumbersome, and lonesome. Our mission is to help “share the weight of waiting.”

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

“Infertility” has many different faces: unexplained infertility, male infertility, PCOS, endometriosis, secondary infertility, miscarriages, among others. Spanning out from those struggling with infertility is the network of family, friends, coworkers, pastors, employers, and other loved ones of those walking this strange road. If you are in that camp, you have probably wondered a time or two how to best support these special people in your life without appearing insensitive, either by saying far too much, or far too little. We will dive into all these topics and more on the Facebook page and blog

If you’ve been following Kurtis and I’s fertility journey, I’ll be continuing our story exclusively on the new page and blog, leaving this blog to focus on other regular content.

Come join us!

Sam & Di Facebook

Sam & Di Blog

On Answered Prayer

In the midst of some achingly unanswered prayers, this time of year always reminds me of a very specific answered prayer. Like, I know exactly what day I prayed it, and I can tell you exactly when it was answered.

Prayer doesn’t always happen like that, does it? Often we are called to patiently wait outside a closed door for a very long time. Or we are called to walk through doors we never imagined. But other times, as we pray, the Lord is standing right behind us, already pushing open the door we are supposed to walk through next. That was the case for me on this day, six years ago.

A Simple But Bold Prayer

Granted, this was NOT the first time I had prayed about or for my future husband. I think my earliest recorded prayer was from age 11 or so. And so here I was again, praying about marriage and my future husband. My senior year in college was just a few weeks away, and I had plans to return to teaching dance in the fall. But I wanted to ask God this one thing…

There was no guy on my radar at the time, no one I was interested in. I was looking at finishing school in just nine short months. In my mind, it was a reasonable request that I could at least meet the man who I would marry and begin to build a friendship that would eventually turn into something more. If that still wasn’t in God’s timing for this year, then OK. At least I’d asked, right?

Answered prayer

Prayer for the Future

So on July 19, 2011, God and I had a heart-to-heart. This simple but bold request was written on a piece of wood from an evergreen sermon at my old church. It represents “staking your claim” in God’s promises and is a visual representation of what you have asked God for in faith. Like I said, I had prayed similar prayers many a time. More journal entries than I care to admit to were spent examining the intricacies of the friendships I  had with guys. But this time, it just felt different.

About two weeks from that day, my friend Claire told me about “this guy” from her church. (Another crazy story) Then on August 18, 2011, (ONE MONTH LATER) I met Kurtis Hanni for the first time. One month from that first meeting, we were dating. Nine months later, we got engaged.Then six months later, we got married.

Prayerful Perspective

So here I am, six years down the road from that prayer, married to the most loving, intelligent, God-fearing, funny, handsome man I have ever met.

I share this because I am always encouraged when I hear or read about God answering prayers and working in the lives of fellow believers. I also share this to encourage myself when other prayers of ours have rolled over into “years” category of waiting for an answer.

Even though other prayers haven’t been answered how or when I thought they should be, I need only turn my head and look at my husband. God answered that prayer far beyond what I could imagine in ways that I didn’t expect. Don’t you think he can do that again? My story isn’t a formula or a blueprint, but yet another piece of unique evidence of a faithful God. And he is so very faithful.

..no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.
1 Cor. 2:9