Today’s post is going to be super practical. I’m sharing six simple infertility activities couples or individuals can occupy themselves with when the journey gets rough.

Create a photo book/scrapbook of a past season of life

Over the past year, I’ve spent quite a bit of time organizing photos and creating photo books of my college years, Kurtis’ and I’s dating/engagement season, our honeymoon, and years 1-4 of marriage. To look back at all the Lord has done and how he carried us through; the friendships he’s blessed us with, the memories we’ve already made, is incredibly healing. (The act of being grateful is always healing.) Also, when in the midst of a messy, undone season, it’s encouraging to look back on a season that is finished, to see God’s hand through beginning to end.

Adopt a pet

I realize this isn’t a feasible infertility activity for everyone, and truthfully I didn’t see us taking on the responsibility for a pet so soon. But after an incredibly difficult week in October, I reached a breaking point. I sent Kurtis links to several dogs at local shelters and was basically like, “Pick one, because we’re getting a dog this week.”

Podrick has turned our hearts upside down for the better, and while our house may be a little dirtier than before, it’s totally worth it. It’s been good for Kurtis and I to work together as a team for Podrick, train him, and take care of him. Also he’s very handsome. So handsome, right? He’s my little buddy, and he’s been a balm to my soul.

Incorporate touchstones

What do I mean by touchstones? I mean anything that can bring your focus back to the Lord and his faithfulness, and your hopes for the future. It will look different for different people. For me, I’ve created a hope wall, integrating two important symbols for one theme: hope and anchors.

I have a “hope” box  with the notes and cards people have sent us throughout this journey, an ornament and a onesie. I also have a journal that I started this year that will be for my future child. Each week I jot down a short entry. I have special playlist on my phone called “Trust” because God has used each of the songs on there to encourage me at different points throughout the last three years and remind me where I’ve placed my trust.

Of note

Keep in mind I didn’t do all of these infertility activities after one year of trying. I’ve been slow to accumulate that which is truly meaningful on this journey. As the spirit has led me, I’ve put together these items. So I would encourage you to do the same: follow the spirit’s guidance, not because there’s pressure to do or buy something.

Seek community

One of the most important infertility activities you can do is seek community. I hope that you have a circle of support with friends walking the same journey. Whether through online support groups or with friends you see on a weekly basis, community is SO IMPORTANT. Infertility is incredibly isolating and unchecked, can foster feelings of jealousy, bitterness, inferiority, and depression. But when buoyed by healthful loving community, these dark specters aren’t as likely to stick around.

If you don’t have community, start by asking your pastor or small group leader if they know of other couples who are struggling with infertility. It may also be time to open up about your own struggles, because that in turn gives others encouragement to do the same, and you might find some unlikely friends on your journey.

Develop creative outlets

Whether it’s gardening, painting, cooking, knitting, selling a product, or starting a business, begin to explore some creative ventures you can invest yourself in. In this season of not being able to get pregnant and bear life, it’s been healing to still produce through my work as a writer (and previously as a dance teacher). I’ve always had some creative outlet, whether it be dance or writing, and they’ve been a lifeline to remind myself that I am not barren. Beautiful words and projects have been conceived in me and I’ve given birth to some of them, and others are not yet due. It may not be the fruit that I want to be bearing right now, but it is the fruit God has allowed me to bear, and I have to believe that’s for good reason.

Seek counseling

At the end of the day, it may be in your best interest to seek professional counseling. A counselor can provide insight and direction for your thoughts without the bias of knowing you, competing with you, or getting tired of you. All of those things can cloud otherwise helpful dialogue. There’s no shame in treating our minds and souls with respect by getting the help we need. As our bodies undergo so much, our minds need help too.

Other infertility activity resources*

Along our infertility journey, I’m always on the lookout for books, blogs, and other resources that can bring encouragement, direct my thoughts, and otherwise give voice to feelings and emotions that I can’t otherwise. Here are some of my favorites

Blogs:

In Due Time

I am Fruitful

Books:

In Due Time

None Like Him

Still Waiting

Hannah’s Hope

Anchored in Hope

---

Now it’s your turn to help each other. What helpful activities or rituals have helped you on this infertility journey? Share in the comments below!

*No affiliate links, just helpful suggestions!

Ugh, why are so many people here? I tried to shake off irritation and sleepiness as I signed in for my monthly appointment at the fertility clinic. I glanced at the clock as I took a seat in the waiting room. 7:55.

Lordy, it was early, especially after getting into town late last night after a 17-hour drive home from Georgia.

The room was more crowded than usual, which only fueled my dark mood. Two ladies were loudly catching up on their lives since junior high. I need at least two hours of quiet in the morning before holding conversations longer than two sentences. Again, I tried to focus on catching up on my Twitter feed, but was soon distracted by a scene at the coffee machine. Surely this wasn’t happening.

A first-time Keurig user.

The poor guy just wanted some coffee, but I was ready to tear my hair out by the time he was adding creamer and sugar.

He first couldn’t figure out if he need to open the K-cup. No, the answer is no. And then he couldn’t understand how to open the machine. Then he didn’t know if he needed to take out the basket. Again, the answer is no. He also might have struggled to turn on the machine. Each step I was almost ready to dart over there and slam the cup in the basket and start the machine, but he managed to figure it out.

Poor coffee guy was just a blip on the spectrum of eternity, but it just added to my annoyance of being THERE for THAT reason. Again.

A Spiritual Waiting Room

Waiting rooms are not a fun place to be, are they? Sometimes other people are annoying and you can’t escape. Your time is not your own, and sometimes, un-fun procedures await you. Waiting seasons are very similar. Your time is not your own. Annoyances rub into wounds like salts. And you know the refining process, the waiting process may not be very “fun.”

I don’t know what you’re waiting on: a spouse, a job, a home, a healing, or maybe a baby like I am. God hasn’t forgotten you and he never will. But his ways can’t always be explained. Sometimes, God uses spiritual waiting rooms to prepare us for things to come. For the same inexplicably reason that Kurtis and I are having to wait to be parents, he chose to bring us together in marriage miraculously and rapidly. Within nine months of meeting each other for the first time, we were engaged. It’s not every day something moves as fast as that. I can’t explain why he chose to do that. I also can’t explain why we still aren’t parents yet.

Waiting Rooms Aren’t Homes

It’s hard to fight the feeling that God has slammed on the brakes on a road that you could see your way clearly down. You turn to him and want to question, then yell, “What is wrong?!” It’s hard to fight the feeling of loss and confusion as you sit there in the waiting room (literally and figuratively) as one by one, all the other patients get called in for their time with the Doctor, but you’re left sitting there.

But even if it doesn’t feel like it, waiting rooms are not our homes. We don’t stay there. We are only there for a little bit. (OK, sometimes we’re in there for a LONG time, but you get my point) So don’t give up hope. Keep your eyes on the one who sees the whole painting, the whole tapestry, the whole puzzle for what it really is. A beautiful masterpiece where no one is forgotten, no pain is wasted, no hope is foolish.